I certainly believe in God’s will and know that Christ says that we should be busy doing the will of His/our Father. However the other words that follow in the emails often reflect a “rushing” toward a desired victory or success in Christian dating that seems premature.
Allow me to share some thoughts as relates to God’s will and Christian dating – especially as it relates to Christian dating using the Internet:
If you find yourself discussing marriage after only a few emails and you have never met face-to-face, I do not believe that God’s will could be known at this stage. Slow down and let a thorough process reveal if this is the right/best Christian dating relationship for you.
God uses others in our lives to confirm His will for us. No, they will not be perfect but they can give you some great insights. Do not ask someone who you think will just say, “Go for it!” Pray and think about who in your family and close friends are Christians and will pray with you about the developing Christian dating relationship.
Always seek the counsel of a licensed marriage counselor or a Pastor trained in counseling. They can bring spiritual and practical applications to your understanding that are very important for success in Christian dating. Do not go once and think that is enough. It will be a process over many sessions.
Step back from the Christian dating relationship and ask yourself some hard questions.
- “What is it about this person that I cannot live without?”
- “What is it about this person that would be very annoying after marriage?”
- Make a list of the pluses and minuses and look at them long and hard. If you do not know enough about them to make a list – especially on the negative side, you need to give the Christian dating relationship a lot more time. Everyone has negatives and if you do not see any, then I suggest that you are not seeing ALL of them.
It is wonderful to find someone with whom you can pray and discuss things of God. This is an essential ingredient to a strong and successful Christian relationship. Long distance prayers via phone and Internet are not the same as doing so in person over an extended period of time. Caution: Prayer develops intimacy and I suggest that this level of praying should not be done at the initial stage of a Christian dating relationship. The intimacy might mask other things that you should be observing while Christian dating takes its course.
What are each of your motivations in using Christian dating on the Internet to find a Christian dating relationship? You are both “hunters” – which is not a bad thing – but you must recognize the forces involved. TAKE TIME and let God confirm to you, over and over, in a variety of ways that this is the Christian dating relationship for you.
One final thought that comes to mind. Is your Christian dating relationship a partnership or is something out of balance with the give and take of the relationship? Are your discussions primarily focused on what satisfies each other? Is the other person self-centered and turns the conversations to themselves frequently? Relationships should be a healthy sharing and caring and not just doing what makes each other feel good.
Christian dating on the Internet is a wonderful vehicle to meet new Christian singles. It also expedites expectations – and they too often get ahead of reality. God can use Christian dating on the Internet to bring someone into your life. He has used it for other Christian singles and this could be the way He will do it for you. But do not rush into any Christian dating relationship too quickly when a great person begins to relate to you. Do your “DUE DILIGENCE”. Allow it time and enjoy the building of a healthy and deep Christian dating relationship. See how the other person is around family and friends. God will reveal His will over time to each of you.
May He guide you as you relate to other Christian singles and build wonderful friendships. Great friendships will develop the opportunity for the one you are seeking into a great Christian dating relationship.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Christian Dating: Love, Romance, or just a New Friend?
There are some major differences between Christian dating services and the average and ordinary dating service.
The most obvious difference is the foundational principles they build their philosophies upon. When a dating service touts the name of Christ you expect it to have a strong Biblical foundation. For those in the Christian community that are seeking like-minded companionship, this is a major factor in choosing a dating service.
Compare Christian dating services and their results.
Single Christians seeking help in finding a soul mate need to be selective when choosing a Christian Dating Service. There are many companies that do not have the experience or the clientele to provide the excellent service you desire. For them it may only be about the money, while for you it is deeply personal.
We were amazed at the number of Christian dating services available that left us wondering if they really are in fact Christian services.
When you see things like astrology and tarot cards being advertised on a site you better think twice about who you are trusting with your future and your money. Look around a site and see what products and services they are advertising. If they support something that you know would not be honoring to Jesus then flee that site post haste!
Don't trust a site just because it has "Christian" or "Church" as part of its name. You have to dig deeper. There are several sites that are run by the LDS and you may not want to support them. There are others that support many immoral activities so you need to know who you are trusting with your money and your future.
The most obvious difference is the foundational principles they build their philosophies upon. When a dating service touts the name of Christ you expect it to have a strong Biblical foundation. For those in the Christian community that are seeking like-minded companionship, this is a major factor in choosing a dating service.
Compare Christian dating services and their results.
Single Christians seeking help in finding a soul mate need to be selective when choosing a Christian Dating Service. There are many companies that do not have the experience or the clientele to provide the excellent service you desire. For them it may only be about the money, while for you it is deeply personal.
We were amazed at the number of Christian dating services available that left us wondering if they really are in fact Christian services.
When you see things like astrology and tarot cards being advertised on a site you better think twice about who you are trusting with your future and your money. Look around a site and see what products and services they are advertising. If they support something that you know would not be honoring to Jesus then flee that site post haste!
Don't trust a site just because it has "Christian" or "Church" as part of its name. You have to dig deeper. There are several sites that are run by the LDS and you may not want to support them. There are others that support many immoral activities so you need to know who you are trusting with your money and your future.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Cheap Dating Suggestions
Easy, Fun, and Romantic Ways To Impress Your Date on a Budget
1. Plan a Picnic
A romantic picnic in the park, your backyard, on the beach, etc. won't cost you much, but it makes a big impact. Put a basket together of sandwiches, drinks, chips and some utensils. You're ready to go. Most of the items you need are probably already in your fridge and pantry. Add in something romantic like poetry to read to your special person, and you have a nice, romantic date.
2. Movie Night at Home
Wait, don't you watch movies all the time? Sure, but do you always watch your date's favorite movies? Plan a night around popcorn, soda and whatever your date loves to watch. Pop in the DVD and enjoy the fact that your date is enjoying himself/herself. Talk about the movies after. Find out why he or she loves that movie. You'll be amazed at how much you learn about each other and how much fun you'll have.
3. Free Day/Night at the Museum or Zoo
Most museums or zoos have a day that is either discounted or free. You might have to do some research for this one, but in the end it will save you the entry fee. The places are public, so Christian teens don't have to worry much about temptations inherent in being alone, but you can have a pretty fun and romantic date together as you take in the sights, sounds, and smells of the culture surrounding you.
4. Do Something Athletic
Hiking, biking, playing ultimate Frisbee, etc. can all be great dates if you are both pretty active and athletic. Being active can be a lot of fun if you both enjoy it. If you know a few other athletic couples, you can even make it a pretty cheap group date.
5. Find a Prayer Meeting or Local Church Youth Group Event
Your church may not be hosting a unique speaker or having a prayer meeting this weekend, but you may know of another church that is. Look in your newspaper to see who is coming, and take your significant other. Most of these events are free or low-cost, and you get to enjoy one another while also getting closer to God.
1. Plan a Picnic
A romantic picnic in the park, your backyard, on the beach, etc. won't cost you much, but it makes a big impact. Put a basket together of sandwiches, drinks, chips and some utensils. You're ready to go. Most of the items you need are probably already in your fridge and pantry. Add in something romantic like poetry to read to your special person, and you have a nice, romantic date.
2. Movie Night at Home
Wait, don't you watch movies all the time? Sure, but do you always watch your date's favorite movies? Plan a night around popcorn, soda and whatever your date loves to watch. Pop in the DVD and enjoy the fact that your date is enjoying himself/herself. Talk about the movies after. Find out why he or she loves that movie. You'll be amazed at how much you learn about each other and how much fun you'll have.
3. Free Day/Night at the Museum or Zoo
Most museums or zoos have a day that is either discounted or free. You might have to do some research for this one, but in the end it will save you the entry fee. The places are public, so Christian teens don't have to worry much about temptations inherent in being alone, but you can have a pretty fun and romantic date together as you take in the sights, sounds, and smells of the culture surrounding you.
4. Do Something Athletic
Hiking, biking, playing ultimate Frisbee, etc. can all be great dates if you are both pretty active and athletic. Being active can be a lot of fun if you both enjoy it. If you know a few other athletic couples, you can even make it a pretty cheap group date.
5. Find a Prayer Meeting or Local Church Youth Group Event
Your church may not be hosting a unique speaker or having a prayer meeting this weekend, but you may know of another church that is. Look in your newspaper to see who is coming, and take your significant other. Most of these events are free or low-cost, and you get to enjoy one another while also getting closer to God.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
A Romantic First Date
A bouquet of flowers for your first date!
In an ideal world those flowers would always make a big impression on your date. Unfortunately in reality, first date romance falls flat a lot more often than it succeeds. Usually it’s because the gifts are chosen without being based on any specific knowledge about the person.
When you bring a romantic gift on a first date, three things can happen…
1. The gift causes a problem and has to be rejected.
Suppose you bring a bouquet of Tulips only to learn that she is allergic to them. Or what if she believes that flowers are a waste of money. In either of this cases, your gesture may do more harm than good. In this case you may still score a few points, but only because its “the thought that counts!”
Of course in this case, it would have been better if you left the gift at home & just brought the thoughts!
2. Your date is indifferent or only mildly pleased with the gift.
Suppose you bring a box of delicious chocolates. If your date likes chocolate, you’ve done well. After all, your gift may be perceived as thoughtful and she may even enjoy the candy. This falls into the nice gifts category. Your date may even say something like, “You brought me candy? Isn’t that nice!”
If you are aiming for “nice” this is a good thing though it also means you probably left “points” on the table. However if you are looking to really wow your date you need to learn about the third possibility…
3. Your Date Is Astounded!
It takes work to reach this level but it’s not impossible. All you need to know is a few things about your date.
Ask yourself these questions:
Where did/does she attend school?
Where did you meet her?
Has she ever been married?
What was she drinking when you met?
What does she drive?
--Happy dating guys!
In an ideal world those flowers would always make a big impression on your date. Unfortunately in reality, first date romance falls flat a lot more often than it succeeds. Usually it’s because the gifts are chosen without being based on any specific knowledge about the person.
When you bring a romantic gift on a first date, three things can happen…
1. The gift causes a problem and has to be rejected.
Suppose you bring a bouquet of Tulips only to learn that she is allergic to them. Or what if she believes that flowers are a waste of money. In either of this cases, your gesture may do more harm than good. In this case you may still score a few points, but only because its “the thought that counts!”
Of course in this case, it would have been better if you left the gift at home & just brought the thoughts!
2. Your date is indifferent or only mildly pleased with the gift.
Suppose you bring a box of delicious chocolates. If your date likes chocolate, you’ve done well. After all, your gift may be perceived as thoughtful and she may even enjoy the candy. This falls into the nice gifts category. Your date may even say something like, “You brought me candy? Isn’t that nice!”
If you are aiming for “nice” this is a good thing though it also means you probably left “points” on the table. However if you are looking to really wow your date you need to learn about the third possibility…
3. Your Date Is Astounded!
It takes work to reach this level but it’s not impossible. All you need to know is a few things about your date.
Ask yourself these questions:
Where did/does she attend school?
Where did you meet her?
Has she ever been married?
What was she drinking when you met?
What does she drive?
--Happy dating guys!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Feel Good, Educational, and Group Dating Ideas
• Throw a fun themed (say Hawaiian) party
• Have a barbecue
• Get the board games out and play couples against couples or guys against girls
• Play a sporting event like bowling or volleyball
• Plan a progressive dinner at different friends’ homes
• Miniature golf
• Skiing or tobaggoning
• Camping
• Going to church services or church related activities together
• Volunteer together at a local charitable organization like the Salvation Army or Habitat for Humanity
• Visit a mutual friend or church family that needs encouraging, meals, etc.
• Visit a nursing home
• Do a Bible book study together
• Visit a museum or historical sight
• Take a guided tour of a nearby city
• Take a couple of lessons at the local community center on something that interests both of you
• Have a barbecue
• Get the board games out and play couples against couples or guys against girls
• Play a sporting event like bowling or volleyball
• Plan a progressive dinner at different friends’ homes
• Miniature golf
• Skiing or tobaggoning
• Camping
• Going to church services or church related activities together
• Volunteer together at a local charitable organization like the Salvation Army or Habitat for Humanity
• Visit a mutual friend or church family that needs encouraging, meals, etc.
• Visit a nursing home
• Do a Bible book study together
• Visit a museum or historical sight
• Take a guided tour of a nearby city
• Take a couple of lessons at the local community center on something that interests both of you
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